Saturday, 4 September 2010

DON'T BLAME MADPRIEST, BLAME MAD DAD

An older gentleman was On the operating table Awaiting surgery. He had insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad, what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, son. Do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

IF THE BIBLE IS THE WORD OF GOD . . .

Genesis begins with the phrase: "In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth." The word "beginning" is always defined by us in relation to time. So we must conclude that God "created the heavens and the earth" at the beginning of time. For God to do this God must have been apart from time, existing outside of time.

The Gospel of John begins, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." Should we read the non-stated phrase, "who was with God apart from the beginning," into this sentence or is the God, who is the Son of God, a person of time? Was God the Son begotten of God the Father at the beginning of the beginning or apart from that event, when time did not exist?

Thursday, 2 September 2010

AMAZING RECORD SLEEVES OF ALL TIME

The bass player (second from right) is definitely a zombie. Which, fortunately for him, has never been a handicap if your chosen career is that of bass guitarist.

A TRULY DREADFUL MOMENT FOR
THE REVEREND ANN FONTAINE


Loads more candid snaps taken at the consecration
of The Rt. Rev. John S. Smylie can be found HERE.

MUGABE'S BUDDY SUFFERS THE
LITTLE CHILDREN FOR HARD CASH

From THE ZIMBABWEAN:

Defrocked Anglican bishop Nolbert Kunonga has infuriated members of the church by turning a church building here into a school while they are forced to conduct services in the open.

Investigations by The Zimbabwean showed that the church building at Zengeza 2 is now a crèche known as ECD Pre-School. The new name has been emblazoned all over the security wall, which has also been decorated with fancy cartoon characters advertising the school, much to the chagrin of church members.

The members accuse Kunonga of using the organization’s properties for personal profit since he forcibly took them over with the help of armed police and allegedly biased courts. Kunonga is a strong ally of President Robert Mugabe and is still asked to conduct prayers at national events even though he no longer belongs to any church group.

During visits to the centre, this paper was told that the school caters for anyone who can pay, but members of the bona fide Anglican Church led by Bishop Chad Gandiya are not allowed to send their children there.

“What Kunonga is doing is not only criminal, but evil. We are being forced to meet for services in the open, with children in this cold, yet he is using God’s building to make money. This is very bad,” said a woman who asked not to be identified.


PRAYER REQUEST UPDATE

FROM ELLIE:

Deo gratias!!!

Subject: My grand nephew improving

My niece is able to hold her baby now for 20 minutes every 3 hours. They have removed all the lines except one little IV. We are hoping he will get to come home this weekend.

BIBLICALLY BASED SEXUAL ABUSE

From THE BRISBANE TIMES:

Chris Firman was an assistant chaplain and teacher at the Whitsunday Anglican School when he took nude photos of a 15-year-old female student.

He befriended the troubled teenager, showed her semi-nude pictures of women in two photo albums at his home, and raised the issue of nudity with her.

“He said Adam and Eve in the Bible were naked and we were not supposed to be worried about it and it wasn't something to be ashamed of,” the girl told the District Court in Mackay yesterday.


COMMENT: There have always been serpents in paradise.

DON'T BLAME MADPRIEST, BLAME BRUCE

We haven't heard from Bruce for quite a while.
But he's back, and on form, God help us!

AGAINST THE GRAIN

From THE COMMERCIAL APPEAL (Memphis, USA):

When pastor Steve Stone initially heard of the mosque and Islamic center being erected on the sprawling land adjacent his church, his stomach tightened. Then he raised a 6-foot sign reading, "Welcome to the Neighborhood."

The issue for Stone and the 550-person Heartsong Church in Cordova, came down to one question:

"What would Jesus do if He were us? He would welcome the neighbor," Stone said.

While plans for Islamic centers across the country and just miles away have triggered vitriolic responses and divided communities, here in Memphis it's been a peaceful process. While the 4,000-square-foot mosque is being completed, Heartsong has opened its doors to its neighbors throughout the monthlong observance of Ramadan. Under a gigantic cross constructed of salvaged wood, nearly 200 area Muslims have been gathering each night to pray.

"I've got fear and ignorance in me, too," said Stone, referring to his and some of his congregants' early apprehension toward the Memphis center.

But as members of the Christian congregation take the opportunity to sit in on Ramadan prayers and meet people at the nightly gatherings, much of that mystery and fear has dissipated.

"I think it's helped break down a lot of barriers in both congregations," said Islamic center board member Danish Siddiqui.

Without a place to call home, young Muslims are more likely to seek more radical interpretation of the Quran online, says Arsalan Shirwany, a board member and father of three.

When it is finished, the new facility will be a center for the whole community, and a place for interfaith cooperation, Shirwany said. "This is what we need to fight extremism."


COMMENT: The Cordova muslims, as well as the Heartsong Christians, are avery special bunch of people. To behonest, I can't imagine that many Imams in the UK would allow their congregations to worship in a Christian church, least of all under a huge image of the "Son of God." But, of course, I could be wrong on this.


A big thank you to BooCat for sending me the link to this story.

CHARITY BEGINS IN JARROW

From THE WAY:

The bishop of Jarrow, the Rt Rev Mark Bryant (Church of England), has pledged to give his £250 winter fuel handout from the government to charity. He is calling on older people in work, who also receive the payment, to do the same.

Writing in the latest issue of the Diocese of Durham's magazine, bishop Bryant wrote: "It does look as if the Winter Fuel Payment is not really working in using money to get to the people who need it most. The facts of the matter are that I - and many other people in work - simply do not need the Winter Fuel Payment. There are others who are not getting it, who need it more."


COMMENT: Of course, there is a big difference between a suffragan bishop's salary and the salary of a person stacking shelves at B&Q,* and this must be factored in to such appeals for largesse. But I like the bishop's attitude, especially that he is leading by example and not, as so often happens, excluding himself because of "special circumstances." However, it would be far simpler if the stinking rich just gave most of their earnings to the poor and left both the poor and the average waged to enjoy their hard earned cash.

* B&Q are a DIY chain in the UK who have an admirable policy of deliberately employing older people. With the exception of the pitiful wages their employees receive, as is usual in the retail sector, this positive discrimination works well for both parties. B&Q's older workers, who will have been victims of ageism in the employment market, get a job and B&Q get a whole load of workers who are wise, helpful and well-mannered.

NO COMMENT

FOR MARK (DEFINITELY NOT A FLATHEAD) BRUNSON

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

ST. LAIKA'S

I expect many of you will have noticed the new link in the sidebar to a new blog page with the name "St. Laika's." Those of you who clicked through to the page today will have guessed that, despite promises to the contrary, it will not go live today. This is because I am still getting stuff together for the grand launch. I think that it will be up and running within the next week or so.

St. Laikas's is a project that the Chin Wag crew have been working on for a while. It is an experiment, a work in process. It will be an attempt to create an inclusive, fluid, worshipping, community on the internet using basic blogging tools and the skills of the people of our neighbourhood (which are many and varied). In stead of just broadcasting live services, each service will be made up of contributions from various people, much of which will come from their real life church communities and/or their own ministries (lay and clerical). There will be a separate webpage dedicated specifically to spiritual matters (meditation, prayer, that sort of stuff) which will be interactive. We will be building our own calendar of saints and feast days. There will be small groups, book clubs, and all that jazz. There will be articles and meditations from all sorts of people and, basically anything else that takes our fancy. We also hope to bring the real and the virtual worlds together by arranging things to happen outside of cyberspace, building on what we have already achieved in this respect through our blogs.

As I am unemployed at this moment in time, administrating the site will be my sole ministry for the foreseeable future. But it won't be just my show. Well, as long as you all join in, it won't.

I am looking for musicians, including singers, who have the capability to record their own performances and send them through to me. It would be really nice to have some organ music that could be played before and after worship, just like in a real church. If you can help in this respect please email me (or leave a comment below). I can give you details, if you need them, as to how to send mp3 files over the net. We are now fully licensed to podcast music on the OCICBW... group of blogs, so there is no need to worry about royalties (I've already paid them).

Also, anybody who has the facility to record their own sermons please get in touch. We will be following the Common Lectionary so we can use sermons you will be preaching in your own churches.

The main service will be podcasted each Sunday and will be eucharistic. How that will work out is something I am really looking forward to discovering.

Other than all that - just stay tuned (don't touch that dial!).

AH! YOU ALL NOTICED...

It's seems that the PERFORMING RIGHTS SOCIETY in the
UK has discovered that telling the truth doesn't always pay...



Please be assured that we will still be exploiting you?

DICKY DORKINS WATCH


Towards the end of the programme, magician, Darren Brown, demonstrates how one well-known con artist, managed to "magically" turn a plate of poo into a bestselling book.

THE SOPPY OLD MASON SELECTION

I tell you, Soppy Sheila fans, my good buddy, Jay, at
BAILEY'S BUDDY, has unearthed the ultimate selection. Go
visit his blog NOW!

With the exception of those of you who will find it cruel
and/or degrading, I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

AMAZING RECORD SLEEVES OF ALL TIME


Ooh! I bet that was itchy.

MADPRIEST'S THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

The new style of interviewing prospective priests, common throughout most, probably all, of the Church of England dioceses (though, in practice,  different in every one) does not weed out lazy, ineffectual priests, as it was intended to do. It is, in fact, weeding out priests who do not conform to a very narrow "type" of priest, that type being what non-Christians, and also many Christians, would refer to as trendy or vague or sanctimonious or wishy washy etc. There are far less bishops in the Church of England with individuality, imagination and eccentricity, or the desire to take risks, than there ever have been in the history of the church. As like employs like the church is quickly becoming in reality a parody of itself as portrayed in so many sitcoms and comedy sketches and the priesthood has become stale and downright boring.

To put it simply, there ain't going to be a John Henry Newman, Conrad Noel, Woodbine Willie, Bishop Bell / King / Beckett et al anytime in the near future as far as I can see and my church is going to be dashed on the rocks by a bunch of bank managers and trendy social workers. My guess is that, within the decade, Sunday services will be replaced, throughout the church, with seminars on "how to be church," encounter groups, group bonding workshops and book launchings.

HEADLINE OF THE DAY

From ANGLICAN (sic).TV:


I know it's a typo, but I'm undecided as to which of the two possible options the intended word should be.

MUSIC FOR YOUR LUNCHTIME (2) -
MADPRIESTX'S DOUBLE PRE-DESTINATION
/ LOUD FRIDAY ON WEDNESDAY SPECIAL

MUSIC FOR YOUR LUNCHTIME - A "WHAT DAH·VEED HAS BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG" SPECIAL



DIARY ENTRY 1ST. SEPTEMBER 2010

MORNING - Got out of bed at midday didn't bother to shave.

AFTERNOON - Mug old lady so I can score some hard drugs.

EVENING - Joyriding - hopefully get filmed by "Police, Camera, Action."

NIGHT - Drink cider, embarrass passers-by, fall over.

Monday, 30 August 2010

MADPRIEST'S QUANTUM THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

An infinite number of Gods exist in an infinite number of universes and an infinite number of those Gods spend their time making an infinite number of universes perfect for the existence of an infinite number of human beings.

Or...

When Richard Dawkins stated that God did not exist because God had not been observed, God was immediately observed in an adjacent parallel universe and in an infinite number of universes parallel to the infinite number of universes in which an infinite number of Richard Dawkins failed to observe God.

Sunday, 29 August 2010

THE MIDNIGHT JUKEBOX
SUNDAY GO TO CHURCH SPECIAL

AND HIS NAME SHALL BE . . . . DONALD?

SUGGESTED READING

I expect most of you have already taken your summer vacation (with the exception of Americans without jobs and those silly Australians who insist on having their summer at completely the wrong time of year). But if you are still to leave on your travels you will, no doubt, be agonising at the moment over which book to take along with you for your poolside reading.

Torment yourself with indecision no longer! Ellie Findlay, literary editor of "The Evangelical Bollocks Review," has emailed me to bring to my attention a book, highly suitable, and most necessary, for the readers of this blog. That is should occupy that space in your suitcase normally reserved for potboilers, soft porn romances and Dan Brown novels, would go without saying if I hadn't already said it.


I have posted above the details of this life-changing opus as they are listed on the UK AMAZON site. However, for a proper appreciation of this book you simply must visit the US AMAZON site and read the comments etc.

At £41.79 (or $135.00 in the US) this book may appear at first to be slightly overpriced. But on closer inspection you will discover the reason for the high price - each copy is individually crayoned, in BLOCK CAPITALS, by the author herself, AND BY HAND!

MURDEROUS DICTATOR, ROBERT MUGABE,
HONOURED BY ANGLICAN UNIVERSITY

News is coming in that Robert Mugabe, the anti-democratic tinpot dictator of Zimbabwe, is set to receive an honorary degree from the Anglican University of Quito next month. The media censuring tribal warlord has agreed to travel to Ecuador to receive the award which he is being given in recognition of his services to the poor (which are either welfare services or funeral services dependant upon which tribe you were born into).

THE SOPPY LARRY SELECTION

From RENZ:


This is one of my dogs, Zoe. She is a Bichon Frise and I am wondering at this very moment if she is retarded. I know that is an iffy word, but in the case I do mean it literally. It is 6:00PM EST here in the Upper Peninsula. I have been home for a bit and have long ago finished feeding the dogs (there are three of them plus two cats and two rabbits for the uninitiated).

I got the computer all warmed up and realized that Zoe is still down in the basement and she is barking her little white head off. This time of year I have started to notice mouse droppings in the house, so I imagined maybe she was warning me of the presence of a little rodent or something.

However, I went back downstairs only to find her sitting in the middle of the work room beside Lola's dish which still has about six or so pieces of kibble in it. Apparently Zoe is barking because she wants those bits, but she gets really funny about dog dishes.

For awhile there I would have to dump her portion onto the floor before she would eat it. Apparently the smooth bottomed metal dishes would skid on the concrete floor and scare her (or irritate her or something. She would stand there and stare at her dish - waiting.

Mind you, Zoe, is THE most food aggressive of all my dogs. A couple of weeks ago a friend came by with muffins and we sat nibbling and visiting over coffee. We only turned our backs for a moment and Zoe had jumped jumped up onto the table and grabbed the last muffin and was making a beeline for the yard (through the doggie door and down the steps) when I caught her! So it must really be one heck of a phobia over noisy scrapy metal dishes - let me tell you!

In any case, she has now finally come back upstairs after barking mindlessly at a dog dish for over 15 minutes. I will post this and go see if her fear won or if her voracious appetite won.

NOTE: The above article was originally posted by Renz
at CHIN WAG @ OCICBW... Details of how to access
this blog can be found in the right hand sidebar.

BLACK MALES / BLACKMAIL

Uganda: CAPA Primates Communiqué

1. In a spirit of unity and trust, and in an atmosphere of love the Primates of the Council of Anglican Provinces in Africa (CAPA) as well as Archbishop John chew, the Chairman of the Global South, which represents the majority of the active orthodox membership in the entire Anglican Communion, met during the 2nd All Africa Bishop's Conference in Entebbe, Uganda. We enjoyed the fellowship and the sense of unity as we heard the Word of God and gathered around the Lord's Table.

2. We gave thanks to God for the leadership of the Most. Rev. Ian Ernest, Archbishop of the Indian Ocean and Chairman of CAPA and for the abundant hospitality provided by the Most Rev. Henry Orombi, Archbishop of Uganda and the entire Church of Uganda.

3. We were honored by the presence of the His Excellency General Yoweri K. Museveni, President of the Republic of Uganda, for his official welcome to Uganda and for hosting an official state reception for the AABCH. We are very grateful to him for his support of the work of the Anglican Church in Uganda and for his call to stand against the alien intrusions and cultural arrogance which undermines the moral fiber of our societies. We recall his admonishment to live out the words and deeds of the Good Samaritan. We are also grateful to the Rt. Hon. Prime Minister of Uganda for his presence and words of encouragement to us.

4. We were very happy and appreciated that the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Most Rev. Dr. Rowan Williams, accepted our invitation to attend the 2nd All Africa Bishop's Conference. We were encouraged by his word to us. We also appreciated the opportunity to engage face-to-face with him in an atmosphere of love and respect. We shared our hearts openly and with transparency, and we have come to understand the difficulties and the pressures he is facing. He also came to understand our position and how our mission is threatened by actions which have continued in certain provinces in the Communion. We therefore commit ourselves to continuously support and pray for him and for the future of our beloved Communion.

5. We were very saddened with the recent actions of The Episcopal Church in America who went ahead and consecrated Mary Glasspool last May 2010, in spite of the call for a moratorium(1) and all the warnings from the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Standing Committee of the Anglican Communion and the 4th Encounter of the Global South.

This was a clear departure from the standard teaching of the Anglican Communion as stated in Lambeth Resolution 1.10. We are also concerned about similar progressive developments in Canada and in the U.K. 6. Being aware of the reluctance of those Instruments of Communion to follow through the recommendations of the Windsor Report(2) and taken by the Primates Meetings in Dromantine(3) and Dar es Salaam(4) we see the way ahead as follows:

A. In order to keep the ethos and tradition of the Anglican Communion in a credible way, it is obligatory of all Provinces to observe the agreed decisions and recommendations of the Windsor Report and the various communiqués of the past three Primates Meetings, especially Dar es Salaam in 2007. We as Primates of CAPA and the Global South are committed to honor such recommendations.

B. We are committed to meet more regularly as Global South Primates and take our responsibilities in regard to issues of Faith and Order.(5)

C. We will give special attention to sound theological education as we want to ensure that the future generations stand firm on the Word of God and faithfully follow our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

D. We are committed to network with orthodox Anglicans around the world, including Communion Partners in the USA and the Anglican Church in North America, in holistic mission and evangelism. Our aim is to advance the Kingdom of God especially in unreached areas.

E. We are committee to work for unity with our ecumenical partners and to promote interfaith dialogue with other faiths in order to promote a peaceful co-existence and to resolve conflicts.

F. We are committed to work for the welfare of our countries. This will involve alleviating poverty, achieving financial and economic empowerment, fighting diseases, and promoting education.

7. Finally, we are very aware of our own inadequacy and weaknesses hence we depend fully on the grace of God to achieve his purpose in the life of his church and our beloved Anglican Communion.

FOOTNOTES:

1. The Windsor Report Section 134.1 The Episcopal church (USA) be invited to express its regret that the proper constraints of the bonds of affection were breached in the events surrounding the election and consecration of a bishop for the See of New Hampshire, and for the consequences which followed and that such an expression of regret would represent the desire of the Episcopal Church (USA) to remain within the Communion(2) the Episcopal church (USA) be invited to effect a moratorium on the election and consent to the consecration of any candidate to the episcopate who is living in a same gender union until some new consensus in the Anglican Communion energies.

The Windsor Report Section 144.3 We call for a moratorium on all such public Rites, and recommend that bishops who have authorized such rites in the US and Canada be invited to express regret that the proper constraints of the bonds of affection were breached by such authorizations.

2. Windsor Report. Section D. 157 There remains a very real danger that we will not choose to walk together. Should the call to halt and find ways of continuing in our present communion not be heeded, then we shall have to begin to learn to walk apart.

3. The Communiqué of the Primates Meeting in Dromantine (2005) Section 14. Within the ambit of the issues discussed in the Windsor Report and in roder to recognize the integrity of all parties, we request that the Episcopal Church (USA) and the Anglican Church of Canada voluntarily withdraw their members from the Anglican Consultative Council for the period leading up to the next Lambeth Conference.

4. The Communiqué of the Primates Meeting in Dar es Salaam in 2007. If the reassurances requested of the House of Bishops cannot in good conscience be given, the relationship between The Episcopal Church and the Anglican communion as a whole remains damaged at best, and this has consequences for the full participation of the Church in the life of the Communion.

5. Lambeth 1988 Resolution 18.2(a) Urges the encouragement be given to a developing collegial rule for the Primates Meeting under the presidency of the Archbishop of Canterbury, so that the Primates Meeting is able to exercise an enhanced responsibility in offering guidance on doctrinal, moral and pastoral matters. Lambeth 1998 Resolution III.6 (a) reaffirms the Resolution 18.2(a) Of Lambeth 1988 which "urges that encouragement be given to a developing collegial role for the Primates' Meeting under the presidency of the Archbishop of Canterbury, so that the Primates' Meeting is able to exercise an enhanced responsibility in offering guidance on doctrinal, moral and pastoral matters".